Insecurities and doubts are the cause of broken relationship. 

Comfort and communication are the bridge to successful relationship. 

Sharing with me about his past, present feelings.

Telling me about his past, present situations.

Letting me understand more about his personality inside out.

All of these have allow me to know the honesty and willingness.

Somehow, readiness is yet another issue. 

Time will eventually reveal what we have long been wanted to know. 

There is always a time for everything. And God is always on time. 

Perhaps, constant prayer would forward the ending.

Confusion has always been an unwelcome emotion.

But yet, it has intrude our minds again. 

Yes, he has told me what he has expected.

But still, I need time. I really do.

Mutual feelings are not sufficient, though it is essential.

Since I knew what is expected, and of his character, perhaps I can meet it.

No matter how much trust we have placed our life in God’s hands,

there will still be fear and sadness.

Guilty for making him feel a tinge of sadness and troubled

Readiness will be revealed. Time is needed for us. 

Oh Lord, my life is so colorful now. All sorts of emotions you have put me through. I need stability!

 

Falling left right up and down. Watching the stars.

 

I have sent my utmost fear into test. 

Pending for an outcome. 

Praying hard and hoping well.

God has indeed placed me in a higher field.

 

Searching more, seeking truth. 

All I yearn is the eternal reciprocal feeling.

Going on fast, hot and passionate. 

Embarking into a whole new journey, 

and injecting something that has never been like in the past.

The best of the past be the worst of the future.

I am confused. Confused by what people have said to me. Confused if I have chosen the right path. 

If I have taken the alternative, would the result be the same? 

I paused and I thought,

never have I recognized such emotion and words. 

————————————-

Standing tall and breathing hard. 

Howls of wind is what she could hear.

She recorded her confessions, and turned it all around.

Little did she know spies are all around.

Spinning fast, things go vast.

All she could capture is nothing but hurt.

She cried out loud, smile to herself.

It’s all too late when she found herself trapped in too deep.

Inaugural Spiritual Report

I feel like sharing this week’s spiritual report with whomever is reading this. For no special reason though =D

An inaugural shared Spiritual Report

 

“You did not forsake me, for what should I forsake you? Not even the slightest temptations.” 

 

“Your sacrificial entice me to live in optimism towards the next moment.” 

 

These are the two phrase I have lived by this entire week. Every individual has an unique character, likewise, one’s life is often measured by setting against different benchmark. However, regardless how exorbitant the benchmark is, I believe that the basic or the least one should adhere to is the Word of God, or rather, the 10 commandments. Although there are surely the low points in our life, and at times, encouragement from the Bible may not be able to perk you up. But instead of going word for word in the Bible, why don’t we look at it from the other perspective? It serves the same meaning, but going on another approach can expect a polarity understanding. 

 

This week is nonetheless a challenging week, in terms of social and emotional aspect. I dived into total serenity. I began to wonder if that route was handled differently, would it be better? And, why doesn’t friends around me feels the same way I do? It can be such a practical truth, that it eats you into sorrow. Tears came cheap, they fall easily. Courage came scrawny, I dare not take another step. I prayed. God spoke:”Don’t be disheartened. Look ahead from a diverse angle, you may see what you have never seen before. Why look at the down when there are more ups?” 

 

What God spoke is similar to the phrase I have lived by this week. Don’t forsake Him, continue to seek God, and peace shall be in me, prayers will be answered. Don’t make someone a priority when they only makes you an option. He makes us the priority, so should we. God did not forsake us, do not abuse his sacrifice by living in a world of depression. True enough, it coaxes me up to face whatever that is charging against me. A guy friend of mine asked me: “Why do you offer rejection as the only choice to guys that ‘wanted’ you?” I blandly replied with faith that I seek to find God’s presence in my other half. “If I place God first, would a guy understand? I argued. “He would, if he places God in his top priority.” Well, that is direct, but that is my value.  

 

Proverbs 3 Guidance for the Young

In the book of Proverbs, verse 13, it says: Happy is the man who finds wisdom. Wisdom doesn’t comes in us when we were born. It can only be collected and learned through experience, listen and understand with an open heart. As time passes, you can become a giver, a generous and wise and passionate man. Looking at things with wisdom, which is understanding, open heart, listening ear, experience, passionate, will make all things beautiful. When such happen, who would not be bliss?

 

And in verse 27: Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due. When it is in the power of your hand to do so. It totally trashed the sentence that priority will be given only when it is done in return. Be forgiving and giving, and all things shall be added to us bountifully. Help someone who may even be your enemy. Hard but possible I would say. 

 

All in all, I still believe that tears whimpering and screaming is appropriate or even good to vent your sadness and frustration. End of the day, you will still find the best comfort and serenity in God’s hand.

 

And I found a nice way to say grace before meal:

 

God is Grace, God is good. 

Let us thank Him for His food. 

By His hands, we are fed.

Let us thank Him for His bread.

Amen

I was confident from the start.
Determination knocks down all troubles that hold me back.
*snap*
That simple solitude being exuded,
I recoiled under the all so dark and cold blanket once more.
I heard voices whispering in my ears,
“Don’t be despair, Wendy. Be courageous and face the sadness and disappointment that you face.”

At that moment, I wasn’t sure who was talking.
My eyelids were shut tight, when a deep voice began murmuring,
“It’s me. Don’t be afraid. You can cry, but let not those tears falls easily. I will be with you.”
I laid still. Thinking I must have drank too much of the cough syrup.
But no, I believed the first was Holy Spirit speaking to me, the second was God.

Wiped my tears and my puffy eyes were so sore.
I curled myself and inhaled till my lungs could not hold any longer.
I heaved out a deep exasperation and a streak of relief.

Pieced up my warrior suit,

I charged to my finishing line. 

And the story goes again.

 

Why make someone a priority when they only make you an option?

 

Friends are like oxygen

Friends are like oxygen. They are induced in my veins and blood circulation. There can be countless of sweet and desirable memories you shared with your friends. A second of flashback, it brings a smile to your face. Depressing moments can be hard to forget, but putting down and leaving it all behind are all that matters. Truly, friendship is hard to earned. Why bother losing its significance so easily when you have put in so much effort in gaining trust and connection?

When everyone is still your classmates, you may take them for granted. “Oh well, I can meet them every other day.”mumbled your mind. From the day graduation takes off, reminiscing comes more frequently. You start to indict the cause of the problems on yourself. As times passes, you name it a blessing to come together and have a follow up with one another.

Consequently, you notice a time lag amongst everyone. People mature and get involve into the society more than one can every imagine. Your daily schedule starts to pervade with different activities, and meeting up with new people. You begin abstaining more night life or has raised self awareness about your own future. That is not a bad thing, but losing your youth can be so quick that it has soon become history before you learned it.

That is why I always advice one to enjoy and fully unitize your youth before it becomes obsolete.

Cheers.

Had a mini talk with a few people today. The topic is expected, but contents were shocking. I may have anticipated the emotions and feelings of that “discussed” icon, but the depths are not so depressing. Had a fair share of expressing our thoughts and perceptions out, be it as a whole, or against individual person, I find that initial misconceptions or misunderstandings as you call it, can be somehow rectified or clarified, to some extent.

But at some point of time, I will be doubting if my messages, perceptions and values are being understood and digested. I do take pride in all things I do. My values can be unacceptable, but it’s always not lawfully or morally wrong. Have been feeling confused recently, adding the above concerned topic to my worries, it has become even more cumbersome.

Thank God for great friends though. Because of:

Having a wonderful friend and leader, by the name of Lynn Choo, she was forever chirpy despite her stress in life and sadness in life. But still she is all along positive. She may be often busy with her personal(like who wouldn’t) and leader work, she always never fails to appear at the right moment. Life is full of surprises I suppose..

After talking to a friend, I felt encouraged by her words. By God’s grace, that friend has lighten my troubles just by normal conversation. =D. I shall pray and ask God which ministry I should join. Whee~~ (hint: ms Loh, someone who has poke my vision of her on stage during service)

But there is still one thing! I still feel clueless in being “win-some”. How do I make someone understand the way I prioritize my life is fundamental. How do I draw them towards God’s love, to feel his ever greatest love for us? Talked to Josh, and Chow, both made logical points. Through your words and actions, others can see how God has changed you. And through fellowship, speaking into people’s life, is something that is necessary but tough.

RUNNING ALONG WITH THE VISION OF THE LEADER. Being a pillar and support, I honestly think are the fundamentals in a healthy church. SO THE PREVIOUS ENTRY OUGHT TO BE VOID FROM MY MEMORY AND EMOTIONS!! VOIDED.

Oh well. Life is great still.

I wasn’t prepared for such shortcomings.
It was the first time my emotions are running so wild.
So chaotic that I couldn’t control my thoughts.

Funny questions you asked.
Make the ever so peaceful world churned like a propellor.
At some point of time,
I see the similar attitude you had for others.
At some other time,
I feel your seriousness.
All in all,
it was kind of bitter sweet.

Wanting to know what’s on your mind.
I began to come up with ways.
Ways to speak into your life.
Ways to mark down a significant impact in your life.
Desire to be the prominent one in your heart and memory lane.

Here I proclaim,
I shall not be the same old silly me again.
I shall not mould myself into some foolish doll.
For all these could all well be prevented to a large extent.
All I need is to avoid such emotional and desirable feelings I had.
All I need is restricting my imagination and thoughts running wild.
I need to stay calm, determined.

I can do it.
Yes, I can.

Father Lord, in You, I find my peace.
In you, I bend my knees.
You are Lord of heaven,
You shall reign in all the earth.
I humbly bow before your majesty.